4.Jess & Chris: Yearning

Tags

experience, faith, fiction, isolation, journey, life, quest, relationship, thought

Jess could have decided to dream on. Yet, it was necessary that he woke up the cold and harsh reality that awaited him. Dreams of beauty, purpose, impossibility and fairy-like opulence stand in the realm of awe but they do come to an end. One wakes up imagining that the life they could be the real dream. Heck, so did Rene Descartes. It was better to think in that manner cause the dreams of the night make reference to a life of purpose while the real world calls to desolation. A nihilistic world laid in wait for Jess. It presented to him the escape of pleasure and the burden of pain, both weighed heavy on his soul.

 

He opened his eyes to the reality around him. His brain fired with anticipation of the bright new day. Every neuron on the inside sparkled with erratic electrons that transmitted the world around him. They were the sole bridge between sensation and perception. The contours, the textures, the colors, the properties and characteristics of everything was being fed into his brain. He laid still in bed, looking at the roof, he recollected fragments of his dream.

“What difference did it make whether he chose to follow the designer?”

“What difference did it really make? ”

Thoughts of that nature flared across his mind. He always recognized the world around him, that laid waste in hunger, thirst and pain. If answers were to suffice, none would take the time to question, he thought. It is within the confines of reality that darkness demands shining light and chaos, order.
Nonetheless, he got out of bed and cleansed himself. He was preparing to attend his chosen academia in order to attain skill that promised to lead him a step closer to destiny. In theory, it sounded true but in reality it could be no where closer to the truth. He was going to a world that was just as lost as he was. He would meet his colleagues that would spend time chattering about various topics. All of which would be trivial in comparison to his search of absolutes. Everyone had an opinion, everyone had all kinds of answers, but none of which satisfied his soul. He had multiple questions and they were increasing by the day.

 

He saw everyone living in the moment when life in its very nature is eternal. Everyone around him practiced that which was trivial, yet, they were all created with a high value of complexity. Surely, life called out for more. He lived day-to-day, yet life can’t be interpreted in the isolation of time. Only the stars had the capability to speak to him, cause they existed out of the boundaries of human time. The boundless dreams gave him some sense of direction. All the lessons that he learnt from the abstract needed to converge in the present, for him to be satiated in his soul.

 

His quest made him an alien in the world that he was part of. He conformed to the world in the manner but differed in thought. His quest drove him to seek the absolute truth, yet it left him more desolate and isolated than before. He was bound to spiral in his pessimism for there was none that could attend his inquisitiveness. At that moment, he yearned for an individual, that could accompany him in his search for that which is eternally good and true. Today, he yearned for something more than purpose, his inner being cried for relationship.  Jess realized that it would be the crucible for his answer. For surely, that which is complex couldn’t be understood in isolation or as Chris put it, “Life and its creator, are too big to be understood by one man” .

 

Jess & Chris : 3. The Dream

Tags

chris, creative, fiction, intuition, intuitive, jess, life, meaning, peace, philosophy, purpose, story

Society has its standards, laws, rules and a general ethos of the way things should be. In the heart of this pre medicated order lies chaos. Life has always been distracting, moving and contradictory to Jess. The many happenings of life annexed Jess’ soul with unanswered questions. His soul remained perplexed due to his hunger to find meaning. He wanted to strike some form of balance. He wanted to find a compass within himself that would point to the right direction. Societal pressures have forced him to hide behind a self made mask and a cloak. He wanted to be in control, the more he pursued it, the more it evaded him. he needed desperately to find something or someone that would quench his thirst and hunger for meaning.

While Jess slumbered, his soul understood the complexity at hand. His body lay still within the embrace of his blanket. Yet, with each breath and fleeting snore,  his soul grew restless. His soul wanted a way out, it wanted an escape. It wanted to wander beyond the known tangible. Maybe, therein lay the answer. His soul understood the principle that only a transcendent answer would satisfy the existential  questions of life and death. As the minutes passed by, the night grew colder, his heart raised its pace as if it had foreknowledge of what was to come, his body did its best to accommodate his soulish quest, yet, Jess remained oblivious to all that was around him. The mixture of silence, peace and darkness unlocked the door to his unconscious and within seconds his soul was lost in its dreamland with a promise to return with an answer.

His soul was always troubled with issues that pertained to the way, the truth and the life. His soul understood that those were the components of that which gave life meaning. Meaning needs to give peace to all three, the past, the present and the future. That which has been is represented by the way, that which is, is represented by the truth and that which will always be by the element of life. Both the beginning and the end converge into what is known in the now, otherwise known as the present. The ‘now’ is not just bound by the laws of the seen but also the unseen. His soul had an understanding of the seen, yet, it was perplexed and annexed by the chaos thereof. For that very reason, it found itself wandering the cosmos. It was willing to wrestle with the designer, if need be, for an answer, an answer that would bring peace into the realm of the present moment.

It began to wander through the garden of the unknown land. The land that flowed with milk and honey. A land that is filled with a peace that surpassed human understanding. It acted as a shield that protected mankind from the cause and effect of evil. This peace was more than an idea, this peace was an identity. A real person. A person that was vast in presence and essence. Jess was unaware, yet, he wandered into the garden of the designer, the person-hood of peace. As the seconds turned into minutes, he was drawn by the corners of the garden. he visualized the beauty, the greenery and the essence of life present in the fauna and flora around. He was directed through the garden in stillness and in peace. For the first time, his soul felt free from all burden. It was overshadowed by the person of peace itself. He had been there for a short time, yet, if given the choice, he would spend eternity in the presence of peace. More was learnt and said between Jess and Peace in silence, than through any other medium. As time passed, reality began to knock at the heart of Jess and the dream had to come to an end. His soul would return having experienced a glimpse of the unseen world.

Peace, however, wanted to reveal one key idea to Jess before he left. He lifted Jess and placed him on a high pinnacle and showed Jess two pathways. One was broad while the other, narrow. The broad path gave him autonomy, the right to define all of good and evil. The narrow path on the other hand had its definitions of good and evil pre – defined but required submission to the designer, the person of peace, in his decision making. Many walked on the broader path and few on the narrow. Before Jess could respond, his body answered the call of reality. As he gained consciousness, he was left with a sense of peace but at the same time, he had a critical decision to make. The broad path, autonomy or the narrow path, heteronomy?

Jess & Chris : 2.The Star

Tags

chris, fiction, jess, learning, meaning, onajourney

The cold breeze blew through Jess’ hair as he made his way home. The thoughts of life’s complexity always haunted him and today was no different. As he walked with his hands shrugged in his pockets, the thought about the progress he made with the night skies. He applauded the human brain on its creative prowess to interpret lessons from the laws of nature. Yet, Jess remained conflicted at his own conclusion. He just learnt that life had a design, and based on that he questioned the existence of a creator. A creator that was either existent or absent, either close by or distant. He wanted to list the characteristics of the possible creator, from the beginning to the end. As he was about to formulate his own thesis on the creator. Jess stopped in his tracks to realise that the creator being omniscient, would have the sole credit to list, describe and reveal his own character, and not just his own but even the one who is sceptical of him. Jess realised the antithesis of the thought and continued on his journey home. A minute hadn’t passed and he returned to this thought and questioned the frailty of the creator, the proprietor of design, to communicate. “Nonsense”, he said to himself. Jess didn’t have the patience to witness the synthesis of his thoughts. He could have learnt something new not just from the design but the designer, himself. The essence of Hegel passed him by, yet, it remained silent. Jess increased his pace.

Jess wasn’t like his brother Chris. Chris being ten, was filled with wonder, joy, peace and above all, curiosity. Chris’ imagination was boundless. He wouldn’t just have admired the stars but he would even have appreciated the one who placed them there. In his mind, he was sure, there was a man who loved him a lot and wanted to see him smile. Surely, for that very reason, he placed the shining, twinkling stars in the night skies. He wouldn’t just stop there, he would have even thought about meeting  the creative and ingenious designer of the night skies and its stars. He would want to play and speak to the designer. If given the opportunity, he would even ask the loving man if He could place him among the stars. Chris would love to shine brighter than all the other stars if he could and he believed the designer had the prowess to do so. However, this didn’t stop the cruel hands of life from snatching the very breath it gave Chris, within seconds, his essence left his body and it became one with the winds of time.

Jess loved Chris and he did so unconditionally. He would do anything and everything to wake Chris from his eternal sleep just to hear him speak. He longed to spend time with Chris. He missed the noise and above all the innocence that grasped the heart of Chris. He even envied his faith. Chris was always carefree and he understood in a strange way that someone he didn’t know had immense control over the events of life. Faith however, never came easily to Jess. He’s always bogged down with reason and the need to understand. he had many questions but very few answers.

Jess was approaching his home, he could see the lights in the nearby distance. He looked at the night skies to thank them for their friendly conversation. And there was only one star, shining bright in the night skies. It looked like it followed him on his walk or maybe, he was following the star. The star was distinct from the rest, it shone bright in its loneliness. The clouds at times hovered over the star covering its visibility, yet, the star was always present, shining the way it was supposed to. “Odd”, he thought. He reached home and hurried to his room and laid down on his bed.

He felt at ease and then, a sudden recollection of the night’s events flashed before him. He thought of the lonely star. A faint voice told him that the star belonged to him, or why else would it follow him? Baffled by the voice, he maintained his composure. The star to him reminded him of his dreams, his life’s intrinsic purpose. No matter how distant or near, purpose is always inherent. It’s always there. Life’s moments may cover up the need or the existence of destiny but it’s always there, just like the lonely star. Jess drifted into sleep having learnt two things, life’s moments can only be interpreted when they are examined on the canvas of the bigger picture and that his star would always shine in the darkest of nights and even when the dawn breaks, the star still exists. The voice wanted to converse more with Jess but he was lost in the nirvana of slumber.

Jess & Chris : 1.The quest begins.

Tags

introspective, intuitive, meaning, onaquest

Jess never had a choice or a say in the family he was born into, his race, his gender, his environment or the state in which he was born. While he sat looking at the beautifully designed night skies, he pondered this fact and at times recollected memories of his childhood. He stayed still in awe as he remembered the distinct events of his life. While he had flashes of sorrow and joy, he kept his eyes on the night skies. he saw the haphazardness in the distribution of the stars, the lanterns that lit the night skies. In the midst of the nightly beauty, he was taken back, he was there a day earlier, the sky was clear, blunt and monotonous. But, tonight it was different, it was adorned with royal jewels that shone bright, some brighter than others, but shinning nonetheless in their own distinct way. He examined each star as clearly he could through the lenses of his thick glasses, he thought he could relate to each star, because they looked out of place and the contrast of each star next to each other lacked creativity. Given the opportunity, he thought he could do a better job. The bright stars outshone the dull and yet were feeling held back. The dull ones would have felt, better if they were in a league of their own, they wouldn’t feel the need to be compete in shining light. As he dazed, he was enjoying the wonder of the creation around him. he felt one with himself and the state of things around him, a feeling that barely stays.

“Jess”, cried the voice. The voice brought all this thoughts to an abrupt halt. Jess knew the voice belonged to his long deceased brother Chris and he felt his stomach convulse on the inside of him. Thoughts rushed to fill the emptiness of his mind. Tears nearly rolled down his eyes as he told himself that it couldn’t be. He wanted to indulge in the guilt of losing a life of purpose that was a huge part of his life but he had a task at hand. A task to decipher the night skies.

He raised his head and he was mesmerised at the new found revelation. As he took a step back, he noticed the bigger picture. A grand design emerged from the contrast. There was a method to chaos in the skies. He paid attention, he could notice patterns emerge from the stars. It occurred to him in a flash, that life is fashioned in a similar way. The pain of life accentuated the joys of life and the joys of life, regardless of their degree helped relieve man from  sorrow. the night skies had a hidden design and so does life.

Life is dictated by the flow of times. It is an ever flowing river that has a questionable start and a debatable end but nonetheless as it meanders through the set time, man experiences pain and joy alike, regardless of stature or gender. The question that Jess pondered was the choice to recognize a design in the apparent chaos of life. He was able to understand the skies when he looked away from the abstraction of each individual element and focused on the collective whole. Life he thought, could only be understood that way. He decided to not to only focus on the individual events but as a collective. While he was satisfied with his introspection, he had a new thought, “If there is a design, should there be a designer?”. He decided to leave the question unanswered and made his way home in peace.